im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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