Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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