oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
