he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
