I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
