I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
