You're so nebulous sometimes
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
