just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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