this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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