Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
