DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
bring money and cleavage
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
