She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
