I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
