Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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