did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
