I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
