Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
