She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am one with the molecules
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
