we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize