I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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