I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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