Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
