ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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