im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
