so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
