and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
