The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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