D3 body, D1 cock
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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