my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
