sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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