its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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