Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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