Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
