Me too!
I will die if light touches me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
