420 ftw
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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