her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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