so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
