6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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