Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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