1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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