Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it because I queefed?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
