If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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