tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
