you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
