Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
