So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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