this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
