my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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