apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
