It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
