You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize