Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are we still banned from the library?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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