not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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