you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
