I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
