he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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