so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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