Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
