My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
