Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
