There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize