I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I could fuck to npr.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize