She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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