I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
