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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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