You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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