i just had sex bonerless
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
