is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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