next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
