I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
