and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
