Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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