idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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