Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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