I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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