dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
