Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
