Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
