i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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