i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
