I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
