just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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