Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
