the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
