Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
