Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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