i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
