dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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