Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
