I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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