The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
