we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
