Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
