Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
