Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
