let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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