the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
