The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk is not a location!
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