worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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