i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
