I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is her dick bigger than yours?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
