She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
