Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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