I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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