somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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