i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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