im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize