I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
