May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
