what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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