If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
