The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize